


Ready, Able

by YaNameGame



Category: Tales of Symphonia, Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World
Genre: Depression, Heavy Angst, Longing, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Resentment, Slow Romance, Suicide Attempt, Wet Dream, Yaoi, skinny love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 15:31:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15821766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaNameGame/pseuds/YaNameGame
Summary: EmilxRichter. 5 years has gone by since Richter was sealed inside the Ginnungagap with the Demon Lord, Ratatosk. Emil has always been in love with him. Will Emil finally break down because of the hole in his heart? What will he do when faced to confront his dreams and desires?





	1. Five Years

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally published in 2012 and became "inactive" after chapter 4 was published. However, I have decided to continue my story and hope it doesn't take me another 6 years to complete it. I hope you enjoy reading this emotional roller coaster as much as I enjoyed writing it.

" _Richter Abend...Never had I gone through a day without thinking about him. He was the first person who ever gave me hope and the very man who gave me courage. I can't believe he gave up 1000 years of his life in order to make up for his mistakes and help keep the Ginnugagap sealed. When he asked Ratatosk to let me free, as I deserved a chance at life as Emil Castagnier, I remember that my heart sank. I wish I had told him where I belonged. I belonged with him and not with Marta Lualdi._

_Sometimes I wish I never met him..._

_I tried being happy with Marta and accepting the fact that I would spend the rest of my life with her here in Palmacosta. I tried being a good partner towards her. Sex and saying "I love you" has always been hard for me, but overall I've pulled off a really good act for Marta. No matter hard I try, I cannot truly fool myself that I am genuinely happy with her. All this acting and all these lies I try to feed myself make me sick to my stomach._

_Maybe I should just end-"_

"Emil? Earth to Emil! Did you not hear what I just said?" Marta snapped as she was washing the dishes, still in her PJ's.

I was sitting at our table in my usual robe, catching myself still staring at my empty plate. I replied softly, "No, I'm sorry...I'm still trying to wake up. What did you say, honey?"

Marta's annoyed face softened and she smiled "Well, drink some of that coffee I made for you. I know you haven't been sleeping well"

I glanced at my untouched coffee and decided to take a sip. Ick. Too much sugar. I shrugged it off and drank it anyways. She was right about the recent, sleepless nights. Nightmares...

"Anyways, I was just reminding you that I'm going on a quick trip to Meltokio to see my Daddy. I'll be leaving around noon today." Marta went on as she grabbed my empty plate. I mumbled a quick "thank-you".

"Oh, I remember now." I replied with a forced smile. "Don't worry about me, I'll be more than happy to take care of the house while you're gone."

Marta turned to me as she turned off the sink faucet, "Aww, I know you'll be more than okay, my handsome Knight of Ratatosk! Just promise you won't have too much fun while I'm gone." She procceeded towards me and gave me heartfelt kiss. She pulled away and gave me a look that made my stomach drop. "Maybe you could give me a reason to come back to you..."

She leaned in for another kiss, but this time her tongue demanded more of my attention. I closed my eyes and forced myself to kiss back with equal passion. Her dainty hands worked their way into my hair and she began to tug as her kisses became more fierce. I fought my urges to pull away from her and started taking off her tank-top along with her sweat-pants. Before I knew it, we both ended up on the floor naked.

My eyes remained closed as she began to suck me off. The hardest part of sex was to obtain a hard-on and keep it that way until she was done. After a while, I learned how to close my mind to her face and invite a new face to think about. Richter... This always did the trick.

I gripped her hair, imagining it was Richter's and began to shiver uncontrollably. I had to almost refrain myself from screaming his name as she bobbed her head up and down my shaft. Before I came, she stopped suddenly and crawled on top of me. Marta guided my cock into her womanhood and she let out a soft whimper of pleasure. She rode me for what it seemed like an eternity. Richter's face was beginning to fade from my mind as Marta's moans became overwhelming. Within a minute or so, Marta let out a final scream and she crashed onto the floor beside me. It was finally over.

After a few moments, Marta squirmed next to me, "Wow, that was amazing..."

I almost laughed. She says that every time.

"You think so?" I asked while looking up at the ceiling.

She gave me a playful shove, "'Course I do, Emil! You're so good..." She kissed my cheek and checked the clock. "Oh no! It's already almost noon? I gotta get ready!" She jumped up and grabbed her clothes and headed off into the bedroom. I sat up and cupped my face into my palms.

" _Why do I keep putting myself through this? I'm sick and tired of living a lie!_ "

Instead of letting myself break down, I decided to get dressed for the day. I headed towards our bedroom and noticed that my clothes for the day were already laid out for me on the bed. Marta was already dressed and packing the last few things in her travel bag.

I smiled at her, "Thank-you for setting out my clothes." Marta smiled back at me with praise. "I hope you have a safe trip. How long are you going to be gone?"

"Well, with the help of my Rheiard, it shouldn't take me more than 5 days to leave, visit for a couple of days and head back home." Marta stated lightheartedly. "I promise to bring you back something!"

"No, just worry about seeing your father, Marta. Gifts can wait." I sighed as I pulled my shirt over my head. Every time she leaves town, she insists on bringing a souvenir back for me like I had never travel this world before.

"Okay, whatever you say! Well, it looks like I'm ready to head off now." She replied as she gave me a light kiss. "Be safe."

I couldn't help but laugh, "I should be telling you the same! Now be careful, you hear me?" This time I kissed her lightly on the lips. I may not have romantic feelings about her, but I do care about her as my dear friend.

Marta looked up into my eyes with a loving stare. "I love you...I'll miss you."

"...I love and will miss you too." I whispered. Another punch to my stomach...

She grabbed her things and I followed her to the front door. She gave me a final kiss goodbye and left for her Rheiard that was on our roof. I slowly shut the door behind her and turned around to gaze upon our empty home.

I was alone.

A wave of depression washed over me and tears began to roll down my face.

" _God, I miss him so much. Now that Marta's gone for 5 days, there's no body that can take my mind off of him. My heart aches..."_

I paced the house in an attempt to figure out what I could do with myself for 5 days. I couldn't leave town and leave our house unoccupied. Walking around town was a thought, but the sights are all the same. My eyes caught my fishing pole laying against the wall in the corner and the thought came to me instantly. Fishing! I could fish all night and day if I wanted to.

I got together all of the fishing gear essentials and packed myself a lunch and dinner. Thought I live within 2 minutes of walking between my favorite fishing spots, I still find it a hassle to leave back and forth to get things. Once I'm fishing, I'm fishing until I'm ready to go home.

I headed for the door and noticed the thick rope hanging from the door in a decorative manner for the first time. I almost felt disgusted with myself as vivid fantasy of myself hanging from the ceiling by that very rope across my neck...Key word: almost.

Before I got carried away, I headed outside and started for my fishing spot for the day. I noticed as I was walking down to the docks that today was slightly...gray. It was as if the skies was trying to send an foreboding omen. I laughed silently to myself, knowing that I was reading too far into everything. Sure, I have thought of dying, being killed in a dramatic "accident", running away...suicide. I'll even admit that I have planned my own death, but I've never gone through with it in hopes of things changing. I have hoped that my feelings for Richter would subdue and not sting as much. Obviously that hasn't happened yet.

Maybe it's time...

After a minute of walking, I saw the lengthy dock in sight and began to walk down to the very end. Nobody usually fishes here, so I had all the elbow room I wanted! I sat down at the end of the dock and began to unpack some of my lures and my special, homemade bait. Right then and there I fished and there for hours upon hours. My mind kind of shuts off when I fish. It's like I'm not aware of my surroundings besides the ocean water or aware of what's going on inside my head.

After I caught my 10th huge lunker, I decided to grab a bite to eat. As my eyes refocused on other things around me as I slowly chewed my sandwich, I noticed that it was almost dark and that the sun had almost gone down. I looked at the sun that was just barely peeking over the horizon. Almost automatically, I recognized the shade of red that was reflected in the water. My throat tightened. I couldn't help but remember his face, his voice, his eyes, his hair...I remember everything. I even remember his smile, though it was very rare to see it. What I would do to see him one last time...

Losing my appetite, I tossed the half-eaten sandwich into the red sea. My eyes just stared into the ocean, my mind completely silent. The only thing that was still feeling pain was my heart. I could feel my lungs tightening and my eyes burning with hot tears. I have NEVER felt like this...this pain in my heart...the lack of oxygen...the endless tears. Richter, I miss you so, so much...

As the sun slowly set beneath the horizon, I just sat there. Emotionless. Expressionless. Almost lifeless.

" _I'm sorry, Richter."_

I slowly got up from the dock, gathered my things and headed back home. It almost seemed like I was watching myself walk down the board walk and towards my house. I was numb from it all.

As I made my way back into my vacant home, I put away my fishing gear and decided to take a shower. Before stepping into the shower, I stared at myself in the mirror...trying to find a hint of hope in my own eyes. I leaned in closer, growing helpless as I looked into my own vacant eyes. I finally stepped into the shower and let the hot water and steam surround my aching body. Once again, I fell into a vacant state. I guess you could say that I was overwhelmed with grief, but I knew deep down in my heart that I was about to do what I should have done long ago.

I got out of the shower and dried myself extra dry, as if I was saying goodbye to my physical being. I put on a pair of black pajama pants and decided to sit there on the bed for a few minutes. I cursed at the silent loneliness, I cursed at Goddess Martel and I cursed at the Demon Lord, Ratatosk for keeping Richter locked away for 1000 years! Not wanting to wait anymore, I walked out into the living room and grabbed the decorative rope. Tying it onto one of the wooden planks on the ceiling, I made it into a loop that would...end it all.

I grabbed a chair, almost in a dream like state, and I placed it underneath the hanging rope. I slowly stepped up onto the chair and I placed the rope around my neck. Before I could go any further, I could feel the tears rising up once again.

"Richter...I love you...I can't live without you...I'm sorry."

With my final words, I kicked the chair out from underneath me. I choked on my own sobs and my vision quickly started to fade away. I was slowly drifting off.

" _I...I could see him now. His glowing face...he's happy...I'm happy..."_

The front door flew open and there was a booming voice, "Emil! No!"

"… _.Voice...Richter..."_ Before I could say a word, my vision went black.


	2. Frostbite

The sound of birds chirping and tree branches rustling slowly started to become present in my ears. As I became focused on my eyesight, I could see the light shining through my eyelids. Was I in Heaven? Or Hell? I braced myself mentally as I slowly opened my eyes. My blurry vision made my heart skip a beat. I realized that I was laying down and I felt around myself, discovering that I was covered with a well-known blanket.

...How familiar...

I almost jumped out of bed, accepting the fact that somehow I was saved. Who could it have been? My heart almost skipped a beat as I jumped to the conclusion that Marta had come home last night and found me at my weakest moment. How in the world was I suppose to explain to her why I tried to end my life? Sitting on the edge of my bed, I cupped my face into my damp hands that had accumulated beads of sweat. A small part of me wished that I didn't even go through with it, while the larger half of me was angry for still being alive. I remained where I was, trying to remember exactly how it happened.

I kicked the chair over...I remember things going black...I remember  _ **his**_  beaming face...

...and I remember his voice.

Without realizing it, I was smiling out of mild satisfaction. If I was destined to go to Heaven, Goddess Martel have mercy, I would have been able to live with him in harmony! Seeing his glowing face and hearing his beautiful voice must have meant I was at the gates of Heaven. I was so close to being able to be with him for the rest of my eternal existence...SO...FUCKING...CLOSE! I was unsure if I should burst out of the bedroom, find Marta and scream in fury or slowly make my way out into the living room and apologize.

Making the decision to act calm and quiet, I arose from the bed and slowly made my way to the hall. I could hear the soft sizzling of something cooking on the stove. I poked my head out of the hallway, I could smell the saltiness of the bacon. I had a slight suspicion that the delectable bacon was only for her, as punishment for my actions last night. Fear was rising up into my chest. Marta had her moments of rage when I did something was wrong and I knew that I was about to experience her anger at its peak. Without looking looking into the kitchen, I walked carefully over to the living room and sat on the couch that faced away from the kitchen. Never had I sat so still. I waited for her to slam the pan full of bacon and start screaming in anger...Only silence.

A few more moments went by; I still didn't even dare to look her way. Gathering up the courage that I had left in me, I cleared my throat and spoke in a hoarsely voice, "Um...Hey...M-Marta." I tensed up once more, bracing myself verbal and possibly physical impact. Sweat was now dripping down from my chin and into my lap. I heard her turn the stove off and approaching footsteps from behind. She didn't even utter one word...She must be really pissed off and beyond. My heart started to pound heavily. I. Am. Going. To. Die. Was I really afraid for my life? How ironic.

The footsteps suddenly stopped from right behind the couch. Completely frozen in my stance, I couldn't even look at her in the eyes even if I tried. I held my breath, not wanting to make a single sound in fear of her terror. Just as I could feel my heart bursting out of utter dread, I heard a voice that wasn't Marta's.

"Good morning, Emil."

Triggered by the deep voice, my heart stopped all at once. My eyes became widen in shock and I could actually feel my face from turning blue from the lack of oxygen. I couldn't even think because my mind was spinning so fast. " _Marta, she...he couldn't have...I don't..."_ I couldn't stop my brain from spinning. Something erupted inside of me and I jumped away from the couch and faced the man who I thought I would never see again.

There he stood, tall and elegant. His arms were folded as he studied my face; my very thoughts it almost seemed like. His hair was just as long and vibrant many years ago, even more longer now. His green eyes were full of wisdom and such a hardness you couldn't explain, like nothing had changed. The only word that crossed my mind when I saw him was  **beautiful**. I wanted to say so many things to him. I wanted to explain what he saw last night. I wanted him to know that he means something to me, even after all of these years. Light tears began to build up and his composure changed instantly. He walked over to me and guided me back to the couch and sat down next to me, gently placing his un-gloved hand on my right shoulder.

"Emil...don't be ashamed, but you need to tell me what happened last night. What you did is a very serious thing. If it wasn't for Ratatosk letting me go so early, you would be dead right now!" Richter spoke in a stern voice. He was concerned, but angry more than anything. I could tell.

Before I could speak up, he spoke once again. This time his voice was shaky, "Why did you do it? Why, Emil? Once it's over, it's over!"

"I know, Richter...I know." Tears were streaming down my face. I never felt so guilty. "I just couldn't handle what I felt inside, anymore."

Richter moved his hand away and placed it in his lap. I could see a slight discomfort in his face. "I know. Ratatosk still is a part of you in a weird way...so he knows you, your memories and what you're feeling."

The heat rose into my face as I processed what he had said. Ratatosk...knows EVERYTHING about me? Then he surely does know that I'm in love...with Richter. He knows, that I tried to kill myself, because I wasn't with him. I looked into Richter's eyes, searching for a hint. He must have exposed my heart to him. He had to have known...

"What did Ratatosk tell you?" I asked in a quiet voice. I was embarrassed before I even heard his reply.

"He told me..." I could see a tint of red brush his cheeks. "...that you were deeply depressed about me being sealed up for 1000 years."

I held my breath, waiting to hear the secret that should have been revealed. I kept my eyes on his face as I awaited the final reason. A small pause went by and I was starting to calm down a bit.

"Is that all?" I asked as I tilted my head to the side in curiosity.

The half-elf nodded his head briefly, his face starting to fill with sadness. "Yes...It just surprised me that you missed me that much."

I broke our eye-to-eye contact and couldn't help but laugh nervously. "Um, why wouldn't I miss you? You were a dear friend to me, believe it or not..." I almost couldn't believe that he didn't know. It seems so obvious...

"It's hard to believe that you think of me that way after I tried killing you many times." Richter said in a low voice.

I looked back at him and gave him a sincere smile. A smile that I've never given in a long time. "Don't think like that. You were just trying to save a friend. I would have tried to do the same thing and I think it takes a lot of courage to go through all of that just for Aster, even though you did bad things. After all, you're the one who taught me courage."

My smile faded as I saw Richter's eyes brimming with tears. This time he broke the gaze, looking away in hopes that I didn't see what he was feeling inside. Not knowing what to do, I remained silent as he wiped away his own tears and recovering his composure. Never had I seen him cry...I wish I could hold him in my arms without scaring him away. Seeing pain and sadness in his eyes makes my heart break even more.

After a few moments, he looked back at me with a weak smile. "Thank-you...for not hating me. I know what I did was wrong and unforgivable...I don't think I could ever ask for forgiveness from you or from the others."

"I forgive you, Richter. You actually know what you did wrong and you feel bad for it...that shows that you aren't a bad guy. You were just in a bad place." I replied with a smile. I wanted him to believe that he was a good person.

His smile now more broad, he patted my shoulder once again. "Thank-you, Emil."

Without being able to contain myself, I leaped towards the half-elf and gave him a hug that I thought I would never been able to give him. "I'm so glad you're back! Are you staying for good?"

Basically shocked by the sudden hug, Richter's voice was off key. " U-um...Y-yes I am" he hugged me back nervously. "I plan to find a home in Sybak. I want to get back to my studies and I think Sybak will benefit me greatly."

I pulled away from our awkward embrace and smiled even bigger, "Wow, really? That's great!"

"Yes, it is. I'm really glad that I can live a normal life once again. Maybe...you and I can travel the world and visit old friends and former foes." He replied, laughing lightheartedly at his own words. I'm sure he and I were both thinking of the same thing.

"Hehehe, I'm sure they wouldn't mind seeing us. They know the whole story, too." I replied.

Standing up, he stretched his arms and began to walk back to the kitchen. "I hope so. Well, I made breakfast...if you're hungry."

I followed him, secretly admiring the way how his hips slightly swayed as he walked. I always seemed to do this when I had the privilege of walking behind him. He had such a figure I could never get tired of looking at.

"Um...Yeah, I'm pretty hungry!" I said as my eyes still remained glued to his hips and his...ass. Wow, what an ass.

…Bad Emil! But I can't help it, either.

I grabbed us plates and we helped ourselves to the bacon and eggs he had prepared. We sat at the table and began to eat, like we never ate before! We had a light conversation going on as we ate. Even after we were done, we sat there at the table and continued to talk. He told me little stories about how boring it was in the Ginnugagap and how he and Ratatosk talked about the very physics of the Earth itself. I even told him stories about how Marta and I found a place of our own and what I enjoyed to do in my spare time. Almost catching me off guard, Richter blurted out a question.

"Are you and Marta planning on having children?" His face was serious.

"Uh...we never...talked about it." I stuttered. I hope I wasn't making it obvious that I didn't really...like her like that. "...but we have loads of s-sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it were to happen one day. Haha..."

Wow, smooth.

The red-head gave me a funny look that made my stomach do a flip. He was so good at reading through my lies, it wasn't even funny.

"...Alrighty then. Too much info, Emil, my man." He stated with a smirk on his face. "I didn't know you had it in you!"

Going along this "manly" discussion, I grunted in satisfaction and nodded my head, manly like. "Yeah, she's always all over me..." I couldn't believe I was doing this. Just thinking about the memories of Marta and I having sex makes me sick.

Richter laughed. "I guess that means I need to find a woman of my own...huh?" Something in his voice gave away that he wasn't too serious.

"Nah." I shook my head. "Just focus on you right now. You just got back!"

To be honest, I didn't want him to have a girlfriend. I wanted him to be alone, even if he was only into women. The thought of him being with someone else makes me quiver. Something inside me wants to tell him how I feel about him, while another part of me doesn't want to risk our friendship. I love Richter, I really do...but I couldn't risk losing him again.

"You're right. I have too much on my mind, anyways, to be thinking about dating. I'm only 25!" The half-elf sighed under his breath. I could tell he wasn't really into this conversation anymore.

I decided to change the subject about our possible journey together to meet up with old friends. Hopefully soon, he and I could travel together, even just as friends.

Just being around him makes everything better again. I don't feel that heavy weight in my chest anymore...Knowing that he's back here within grasp is enough for me. As we talked, I kept my full attention on his stunning eyes and his tempting lips. His face...I always thought of it when I woke up in the morning and before I went to sleep. I even had it imprinted in my mind vividly as I would relieve myself in the shower. I would think of his supportive words of encouragement when I was in a bad mood.

He's always been there...Even when he wasn't.


	3. I did, I did

Just laying here...all by myself...alone. I kept thinking about Richter. I thought about his face...emerald pearls flashing at me. The perfectly shaped lips that seduced me with each articulation. His crimson red hair brushed over his shoulders that framed his face. This was beauty.

I continued to lay here, hopelessly waiting for slumber to take over. Oddly, I had restlessness, itching in my brain. All of this thinking about him...makes me wonder about him; almost like a craving, in a way. I want to lay next to him...even if I can only savor is sweet scent. I was completely unaware of how the imagery affected physical being. Finally, I noticed the intense heat building in my boxers. I couldn't help but feel...aroused. Somehow, my body just did what it knew to do. My right hand found its way into my boxers and firmly grasped my rigid member. Before I could get into severe detail within my thoughts, Yours Truly came walking into my room, forgetting to knock completely.

"Sorry for barg-" Richter stopped abruptly; his eyes fixated on on my vulnerable state. I quickly sat up, yanked my hand away as fast as I could and grabbed the nearest blanket and covered myself. Shit. The half-elf's face was painted bright red and his eyes were open wide, as if he couldn't believe what he just saw. We both remained frozen in time, unsure of what to say or what to do. I could have sworn that he was almost glowing, like a slight shimmer was sprinkled over his skin. Yes, I still was admiring his body while in this awkward moment!

For some odd reason, I felt as if this was all too surreal right now. Things seemed to be different, although everything was exactly the same and in place. Still, I feel really "off" about this...Then again, he looked so real...

The red-head hesitantly, but slowly made his way to the foot of my bed. His eyes were clouded with something I wasn't familiar with. "Emil...what are you doing?" Richter spoke in a low and raspy voice. Just hearing him talk like that shook my inner core and caused my hardness to pulsate.

"I was...wasn't...Um." I stuttered with sweat collecting in my palms. This was bad.

"Don't lie to me..." The red-head whispered as he slowly made his way onto my bed. "...I can see  _exactly_  what you've been doing."

I was in complete shock. I didn't know if it was my animal instincts manipulating my mind or that he was, in fact, slowly making his way to where I was laying. Still frozen in my place, I didn't budge when his hand felt up my left trembling leg. Oh my goddess...his touch was almost electrifying. Yet, it had a very "muffled" feeling...like it was almost like a fog had covered my sense of touch. Nonetheless, his touch was very stimulating...I couldn't believe what was happening.

The deviated half-elf tilted his head slightly, his eyes now fully visible with lust. "...you're hard, aren't you?"

I shook my head as heated embarrassment rose in my cheeks, "N-no I'm not...what are you...doing?" I knew what he was doing...I just couldn't believe it!

Both his hands now gripped my legs and was caressing them. He slowly traveled upwards, causing me shake uncontrollably. I looked into his eyes, searching for the motive of him doing this...unless he already knew how much I loved him. Wanted him. He returned the gaze and gave me a dark smile; this was a part of Richter that I secretly always wanted to see.

"You're so...tense." He growled, pushing me back into my pillows. "Relax. I'll help you."

Unable to speak and unable to move, I allowed him to explore my legs and my inner thighs. He kept creeping higher and higher, until his hands were tucked away in my shorts, right under my writhing manhood. The lusty elf knew that I was reacting to his velvety touch, as I could see him smirk from the corner of my eye. He started to massage there, enjoying my body wriggle and my chest rising up and down from breathing so hard. He knew...I knew that I wanted him to touch me. I needed him. Too far into ecstasy, I didn't notice his right hand slide my boxers low enough for me to be fully exposed. I heard him gasp.

"You are so hard, Emil...it's even twitching." He said in husky tone. Lightly, he gripped my cock. "Tell me...is this what you want? You want me to jerk you off for you, don't you..."

My eyes widened.

"Richter! Oh..." I moaned in a voice I thought never existed. Somehow, his touch manipulated my very being...my body was in his complete control.

I could feel his hand slowly pumping my aching shaft. I knew that he was enjoying himself, since he was teasing me with a slow, but steady pace. Just the contact of his hand could make me cum in a minute or two...I could feel it. Putting aside my embarrassment and nervousness, I bucked my hips forward, acting as if I was fucking his hand. Hearing his lips release a soft moan triggered my body to thrust into his hand once again. Never had I done anything like this with Marta...nor did her body even come close to feeling like this.

"Oh, Emil...you like this, don't you? You're so  _fucking_ hard...it's turning me on." Richter whispered. "I've wanted you for so long."

A smile ran across my face, "I wanted you too...so much." I kept thrusting into his hand, not even caring that I wasn't going to last much longer.

His grip tightened, making the pressure much more intense. His hand felt so good...TOO good. I could feel the intensity building up in my trembling cock that was now covered in pre-cum. Several moans escaped my gaping mouth as I continued to fuck his tightly gripped hand. I was panting heavily as I was approaching my high point.

"You're so close...I want you to cum all over my hands.." the red-head murmured heatedly.

Hearing his request caused my eyes to roll backwards...I was in complete bliss right now.

"Richter...Ungh, oh Richter...I'm..gonna..." I managed to gasp out. My sight was beginning to go white.

"Emil..."

My vision went black.

I sat up, completely covered in sweat. My bedroom was dark and there was no Richter to be seen. I cupped my face into my hands.

Fuck.

It was just...a dream.

I moved around a bit, only noticing that I had a throbbing erection. Fucking Christ. Just like in my dream, I guided my hand into my boxers and started to jerk off in an attempt to reach that ecstasy once again. Oh...god I wish this was his hand right now. I wish he was here right now...with me...

Inside me...

I kept going at it with myself, thinking of every possible position and fantasy I had of him. I pictured him on top of me, violating me with his rigid sex...his eyes closed, mouth partially open...his cheeks flushed with heat...his voice. Suddenly, I pictured him completely vulnerable, laying in my bed with me inside of him. I could see his eyes halfway open; wary. I kept that vision imprinted in my mind, wanting to see us making love.

" _Emil...you feel so good...cum...cum inside me._ "

I moaned at the thought of him speaking such words. My hand pumped even harder...I was almost at my point. Before I came, I heard my imaginative Richter whimper my name one last time.

" _...Emil._ "

"Richter! Oh...ohh..."

It happened. I came all over myself...I came inside of him. I came in his hand...I...

My mind was racing. It happened in spurts...and were they powerful.

After a minute, I regained control over myself and laid onto my side, not even bothering to clean up my mess. I was tired. I was disappointed most of all. I hugged onto my pillow, imagining that I was now cuddling him. My eyes started to slowly close, along with my heart growing heavier.

It's too bad that all dreams don't come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I remember writing this chapter 6 years ago. I was kinda getting burnt out on the "slow build" approach and I decided to write a wet dream scene to get my creative juices flowing again. Wondering if I should do another one...haha.


	4. Gunfight

These past couple of days were one of the most memorable I've ever had. I couldn't put a price on these simple memories that we shared, even if my heart was still in the dark. Before, Richter and I had a wall up between our friendship that I couldn't even figure out until I discovered who I truly was to Marta and who I was to Richter. Now...it's like that whole ordeal was just a distant dream. A memory. Even though Richter has been opening up to me these past couple of days, I still get that feeling that he's looking at  _Aster_  and not me. I just hope that he really forgives me...or Ratatosk; the both of us for taking on the form of his long lost friend.

Even though I had all of these thoughts and feelings...I couldn't control how I dreamed my nights. Paranoia scattered all around my brain and adrenaline ran through my veins. Most of my dreams were about him, but there was one in particular that shook me. That grabbed me...

We spent every day walking around the streets of Palmacosta, talking about the new found life we had before us. He even joined me at the docks as silent company, us fishing away the day. Today was no different, except the fact that Marta was suppose to return sometime this evening from her trip to see her father. I knew that she had bitter feelings towards Richter, although he held none against her.

I shifted my weight uneasily upon the dock, in deep thought about how I should explain what was about to happen to Richter, none the less to Marta. Looking over to my right, I caught the red-head off guard looking into the ocean with such vacant eyes as I used to have. This wouldn't have been the first time I've seen him in this state either...

"So...Marta is suppose to be back home soon." I sighed heavily. I dared not ask him about his troubles. "She's not gonna be so happy about having you here as a guest."

His demeanor hardened, masking his unknown sorrow. He smirked, "Then I'm sure she'll have no problem with me already on my way."

Richter stood up from the dock, stretching his lengthy arms and readjusted the black tank top I had loaned him. Ever since he shed his "proper" attire, I couldn't avoid looking his way. Some how, some way, there was something alluring about his lightly toned arms and softly sculptured chest. I could never get tired gazing upon this beautiful man, I swear...

Recollecting myself, I replied, "What? You can't leave now...if I'm going to travel with you, then she really needs to see that you're here! We gotta stand up to her, Richter.."

"You told me that she still holds a grudge against me." The half-elf responded in a flat voice. "I really don't want to deal with her drama."

I got up on my feet and faced Richter with annoyance painted all over my face. It wouldn't be fair AT ALL if he left me to do all of the talking and explaining!

"At least you don't have to live with her! We still need to show her respect by telling her about your return TOGETHER and the plans that we made." I bickered.

The man before me jerked his head away, obviously annoyed as well. "Fine. But I'm not sticking around if she decides to become difficult."

Satisfied with the agreement, I patted Richter on the back. "Good! Now, we should head home and wait for her."

Grunting, the half-elf unwillingly followed me back to the house. I knew that he didn't want to deal with her, but this had to be done. I kind of wish that she was never in the picture, so I wouldn't have to worry about waking up in the middle of the night  _dead_  or her going on her jealous rages about everything that even thinks about glancing my way. She may be a pain in my butt as a "make-shift" partner, but she was a good friend...and I couldn't hurt her heart in any way.

I barely opened the front door before the irritated half-elf pushed past me and proceeded to sit on the couch. He was definitely not happy with what was about to happen. Trying to keep the situation light, I sat next to him in an attempt to have a civil conversation. I tried talking about the fish we talked that day and other random things, but he only mumbled faint "mhms". Not wanting to deal with an angry Richter, I decided that it was best if I didn't even try to talk at all. I glanced at the clock, noticing that Marta should arrive at any moment. A familiar feeling swept over me and my heart began to beat faster...I was already afraid.

"Why do you even like her?" Richter questioned. This wasn't the first time he had the case of the random blurts. "You mostly talk about her like she's a problem."

I looked to the floor, feeling guilt settle in my stomach. "I know...but I l-love her. She's just...scary, that's all."

Hesitantly, he nodded his head. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Forgive me for being rude."

"It's okay...she really is scary, you know." I replied with a chuckle. This time, he replied with a little laugh of his own...just like the one in the Camberto Caves...

"Haha, she may be intimidating to you..but she's only a nuisance to me."

I stuck out my tongue playfully, "Whatever, Richter!".

Before Richter could spit out comeback, both of our heads jerked towards the sound of my front door swinging wide open. She...was home.

"Emil! I'm home! You better be here because I've been craving you-" Marta's voice cracked as her eyes widened in boiling horror and hatred.

Just as fast as she opened the door, she slammed it shut that caused the very foundation of the house to rattle, along with our very bones.

"WHY IS HE IN  **MY**  HOUSE?" She bellowed in a booming voice, her right pointer finger jabbing in the half elf's direction. "You...YOU are not welcome here!"

Richter obviously took offense to this, as he was already rising from the couch and heading towards the door with a bitter face. "I'm not going to deal with this."

"R-Richter wait!" I stuttered as I tried leaping for his left arm. "You promised you'd stay and help me explain things to her!"

Almost like lightning, Marta's hand swatted my own hand before I could reach him. "EXPLAIN WHAT? You're not explaining ANYTHING except why I shouldn't rip you to shreds! You've disrespected OUR relationship and OUR house!"

"Oh, I thought this was  _your_  house..." Richter replied in an annoyed tone while he routinely readjusted his glasses. "Forgive me for showing up the other night and  _saving_  Emil and your  _apparent_  relationship."

My face instantly turned bright red."Richter...please stop!"

The look on Marta's face was indescribable. "Just who do you think you are? Ha, saving...SAVING Emil from what? If he needs saving, it's from YOU!"

The red-head laughed crudely at her response. "You've got to be kidding me..."

Knowing where this conversation was heading, I knew I had to speak up fast before he ended up telling her what he witnessed that night. "Please, don't do this...I don't want to talk about this now!"

"Why?" He shouted as his fists began to tremble. "I think she deserves to know the very reason why I disrespected  _her_  house!"

Still furious as ever, Marta folded her arms and gave me a look that could instantly kill. "What is he talking about, hm? Just  _what_  reason would make him being in my house okay?"

My eyes didn't even dare to meet her gaze. Fear was fluid throughout my body and I had no strength or courage to speak. I didn't want her to know! If she finds out why I tried ending my life...she'll discover my secret. I would truly be standing at Death's door if she knew I was in love with a man...Richter Abend.

A couple of moments passed by before Marta exploded once again, "Hello! I'M TALKING TO  **YOU!** "

"Lay the fuck off, will you?" Richter snapped in a seething tone. "Stop treating him like he's some kid...some boy!"

My fear was intensified by the raging red-head's emotional display. I could feel the wrathful bite that coated every word he spat. I remained standing in silence as Marta and Richter continued to fight. I'd be absolutely crazy if I even thought about interfering!

"DON'T YOU DARE CURSE IN MY HOUSE!" Marta screeched, her eyes blackened in rage.

"Ha-ha..." Richter chuckled darkly, "Sorry, I don't listen to the demands from  _children_."

Her eyes grew even wider and you could see her jaw trembling, "... _ **just get out of my house!**_ "

"I arrived here late at night..." the half-elf began telling the tale. "...and I found Emil hanging himself."

Suddenly, the room became utterly silent. It sounded as if everyone forgot how to breath...including myself. I kept my eyes glued to the floor; I couldn't bear seeing the look on her face.

"T-That's crazy." Marta stated in a jittery tone. "E-Emil wouldn't do t-that."

"He did." Richter stated in a quiet voice.

Silence took over once again, only this time you could here the muffled sobs escaping her mouth. My heart ached, knowing that this was hurting her.

"E-Emil...he's telling the truth?" Marta whispered as glassy tears rolled down her face.

I didn't respond...and I won't respond. She didn't need answer from me.

She already knew.

Almost out of nowhere, I felt a sharp sting slam across my face. S-she...she fucking hit me!

" _ **DON'T...**_ " the red-head growled heatedly as he quickly drew out his sword and ax, ready to attack. " _ **...DON'T EVER LAY A FINGER ON HIM IN FRONT OF ME.**_ "

Just as quickly as the half-elf equiped himself, now Marta was ready to fight with her own weapon. Were they really going to start an all-out brawl? I cupped the left side of my face in an attempt to subside the pain while the other two continued to fight.

" **IT'S NOT YOUR PLACE TO SAY WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO IN MY OWN HOUSE!** " Marta screeched, armed and ready to make a move.

They both stood there, posed and armed. I could tell that Richter had no intentions of striking first, knowing that he would be the victor if they did end up fighting. The look on his face was almost as if someone else had taken over...his eyes were filled with hate and disgust. Why was he so defensive over me? Even though I should feel flattered that the man of my dreams and desires was standing up for me, I couldn't help but feel like I was being babied. That's it. I don't want them fighting and I'm tired of being a  _dog_ , like Richter would describe my introverted behavior.

I cleared my throat and spoke in a stern tone, "You both need to put away your weapons, now! I'm sick and tired of this! Marta, you're being ridiculous and I don't think it's fair that you get to dictate who's welcome in this house. Richter has payed his debts and you didn't exactly do a lot of good things either in the past...why can't you just let it go?"

Surprisingly, she lowered her weapon and her rage began to subside. He, too, did the same.

"...You're right, Emil. I'm sorry for taking things too far." Richter replied as he sheathed his weapons. "I don't want to fight, Marta. Please listen to the both of us."

Marta also put away her weapon, but you could tell that she was still livid. "I don't want to fight either, but why in the world would you do that, Emil? Why didn't you ever tell me that you were depressed?"

"I'm sorry, Marta...I never meant to hurt you." I whispered. Tears began to fog my sight from the guilt that was settling in my stomach. I really didn't mean to hurt her...

I felt two warm arms embrace me and I could hear her soft sobs buried into my shoulder. She was really hurt...I hugged her back the hardest I could.

"Dammit, Emil! I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you..." the girl cried as she tore away from my shoulder, looking me in the eyes. "I love you..."

The guilt bubbling in my stomach doubled. I was going to have to kiss and comfort a girl in front of the man I love.

I'm sorry...

"...I-I love you too, M-Marta..." I replied as I gently placed my lips on her own.

From the corner of my eye, I could see an ill-full expression on the red-head's face...there was no way it could be jealousy. Disgust, perhaps? After a moment, we broke away from each others grasp. Her tears seemed to have dried away and her mouth was formed into a delicate smile. Seeing this warmed my heart. Bless you, Marta...

"Richter." Marta sighed. "Thank-you...for showing up when it happened."

The half-elf was caught off guard by her thanks. He replied with stumbling words, "D-don't thank me. I'm glad I showed up, too."

"Just how did you know when to show up, anyway?" She questioned with her brow furrowed.

"Uh...well..." Richter stuttered as his face turned slightly pink, "Ratatosk still is a part of Emil, so he knows what he's feeling. Basically, he told me that Emil was depressed about...being closed up in the house all the time and that he wanted to see the world once more."

This answer caught me off guard. Why in the world would he tell Marta that I was depressed about not seeing the world? Knowing that Ratatosk still is a part of me, then he HAS to know about my feelings for Richter and why I did what I did. Suddenly, the realization hit me:

He knows. He just has to...

"Is that true, Emil?" Marta asked lightly, "Do you really feel like you need to get away for awhile?"

"Um...yes." I replied in a quivering voice.

She smiled even bigger, "I think I know what you need. Richter, would you be interested in traveling around the world with Emil? I'm done with venturing around...and I'd feel better if someone kept an eye on him."

Her request was very unlike her. Alas, she was a woman...

The half-elf nodded his head, "Of course. I was actually going to ask you if I could accompany him, myself."

"Then it's settled! Emil, honey, pack your bags! It's time for you to get out of this place for a bit." Marta piped as she hugged me once more.

"Oh, Marta..." I elated, "Thank-you!"

* * *

Night had fallen and I was busy packing my things while Marta was out buying groceries and traveling necessities she thought I'd need for the journey. Even though lightness was in the air, Richter remained silent as I was shuffling throughout the house, searching for clothes and other things I might need. I couldn't shake away the thought of him knowing the real reason why I tried to kill myself. This silence between us only confirmed my feelings...

"Richter, why did you tell Marta that lie?" I finally asked after all my things were packed.

"Hm?" He replied vacantly as he remained sitting on the couch, staring off into space.

"You know what I mean..." I began, he couldn't have forgotten already! "You told her that I tried to kill myself because I was depressed about being in the house all the time."

He looked up at me and for the first time, I couldn't put a label on the emotions that flooded his eyes.

"...that's all she needed to know."

"Then tell me...what do you know?" I asked guardedly. "I know there's more that you haven't told me."

His eyes broke our gaze, knowing were this conversation was going. "I already told you. He told me that you missed me...that's all."

Frustrated, I clenched my fists and began to shout, "That's a lie! You...you know. Y-you...know why!"

Richter quickly got to his feet, his face now inches away from mine.

….his scent was strong. Goddess.

"Emil, please...don't." his voiced quivered, "...now is not the time."

We both just stood there in silence, studying each others eyes. I could feel so many mixed emotions between us...but I couldn't figure out why he didn't want to talk about it. My eyes danced back and forth between his eyes and lips; being this close was almost toxic. Did I just catch him staring at my lips as well? Before I over analyzed what was just happening, I stepped back.

"When is the time? We can't just act like-"

"It will never be the time." he cut me off, his voice still shaky. "We're just friends."

Even though I knew he'd most likely not return my feelings, I could still feel my heart weaken from his words. Was this the feeling of rejection? I began to slowly back up towards my bedroom, nodding sadly in agreement.

"Y-Yeah...just friends. S-sorry." I stammered. I could feel the weakness of my heart rising and creating a lump in my throat. It was an omen...I could feel myself about to cry. "G-good night, then."

I turned around and headed for my bedroom. Just as I was shutting my door shut, I heard him whisper softly, "Good-night...Emil."


	5. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter that I wrote since the 6 year long hiatus. This was written back in July, I think?

I could have sworn my feet were already touching the floor as I came into consciousness. Feeling slightly concerned that I might of slept in, I was rushing myself to get out of bed. I felt an array of emotions (mostly good ones) as I quickly gathered my bags that somehow got themselves all packed & put together. Marta can be sweet sometimes.

After last night's confrontation, I went straight to bed from a broken heart. Even so, I am determined to travel the world by his side as his friend. There's still so much I want to ask him- to share with him. My heart started to race..I shook my head in discontent at my own feelings...I can be so selfish. In that moment I made a vow to myself that I would be true to myself and her after my travels with Richter. I knew I had to confront him first, before anyone.

I took a deep breath and gathered myself, knowing Marta would pick up on any traces of emotion written on my face. I exited my room and head towards the living room. Already, my eyes were drawn to his vivid red hair and emerald eyes. I quickly look away, not wanting to let our gaze linger...not that I'm implying he's looking at me back like that. There are times that I feel like he is looking into my soul, but that could be just wishful thinking.

*sTOP* I screamed at myself internally, I couldn't believe I was doing this as I was literally about to leave. Over-thinking...

"Good morning, sleepy prince." Marta chimed from the kitchen. It looked like she had just finished preparing a meal "to-go" for the both of us. Richter must have insisted.

"Good morning, Marta." I replied, smiling sheepishly. "Thank you for packing my bags for me, I was very tired...must have passed out early..." my voice trailed off as felt heat rise in my cheeks.

Nodding, she smiled, "I could tell! It's okay, Emil. If there's any way I can help, I will."

This time, my smile was sincere. " Thank you."

The half-elf stood up, smoothing his shirt & jacket. "You seem to have cold feet. Are you sure you want to really want to go?" He was able to picked up on my emotions even Marta couldn't sense.

Standing tall, I replied "Yes. I want to explore this world, as myself. Before, it was Ratatosk and me. I think this is something I need to do to help me grow."

_I want to explore this world with you, Richter..._

Marta suddenly hugged me. It was soft and sincere. "Oh, Emil...you deserve to find peace. Go find it." She pulled away from me and looked deep into my eyes as if she were searching for something. I'm not sure what that "something" was.

"...I will."

After our final goodbyes, Richter and I took our leave. I wouldn't be calling this place home for a long time, would I? It never really was "home"..

We started to leave Palmacosta and before we could pass through the entry of town , I could hear Marta babbling good wishes for the both of us. Stifling on my own words along with tears in my eyes, I could only wave in return.

Good-bye dear friend.

The further away we walked from Palmacosta, I could feel my deprived body filling with energy; Mana was radiating from the world around me. Every step that I took further reassured me my choice was the right one. I shared that home with Marta and it felt like a prison after I came to terms with my feelings about her and about Richter. To allow myself to live like that was wasting this  _gift_. I could sense that this "emotions" connection goes both ways, between me and Ratatosk.

_Don't worry. I am going to do things right this time._

Whilst I was deep in thought, Richter stopped and turned back towards me.

"Hey. I don't like being followed from behind." he fussed.

I almost stumble from astonishment, "I-I'm sorry! I won't do that."

I quickly catch up to him, now we were walking side by side. Yikes, I was lost in thought again I wasn't paying attention...

"Don't get all wrapped up in your head. She'll be fine." the half-elf said sternly, still walking. "You wanted to reach Asgard by mid-tomorrow, right?"

I nodded earnestly as I turned my head towards him, "I am okay with this, Richter. Let's try our best to get to Asgard."

I could see a slight smile form on his lips, "Good. Keep up then."

Way off into the distance I could see Hakonesia Peak, now remembering that would be the easiest way to reach Asgard without much hassle. The first time going through that pass, I was leaving Asgard with Marta looking for the cores and Lloyd. So much has happened and changed since then. The world seems much more lush and lively, it was a gentle reminder that I had made the right choices. They were hard to make and it costed me my life, in a way.

..Or perhaps "livelihood", I shouldn't be so dramatic about the difference in love I feel for Marta and Richter. When I think about Marta, I get mixed feelings in general but I love her as my friend. When I think about  _ **him**_...I just want to fall down to my knees and scream my love to the skies.

_Would he answer back to me?_

" _ **He might if you actually spent more time talking to him than yourself.**_ "

Just as quick as the intrusive voice popped into my head, it vanished without another peep. I could feel heat rise to my cheeks. I didn't realize I was thinking  _that_  hard to the point  _he_  could hear me.

Missing an obvious give away, I felt a little rude for being quiet on the whole venture here. We were already making our way up the peak, the sun's starting to set and I hadn't said a word since we left. I decided to break the silence.

"Wow, I didn't think we'd make it here by sunset." I chimed, "We could set up camp at the base of the peak if you want."

"That's the plan. How long has it been since you camped out?" Richter asked with a slight smile across his face.

I smiled back at him, "Like, five years! This will be great."

The mere thought of sleeping under the stars once again was exciting. Looking out into the vast space during the night always made me feel...small, but in a good way. I remember laying under the very same stars during my travels to save the world from Ratatosk, the dark sky gave me an escape. Maybe they would provide me an escape from my current troubles now.

The half-elf replied, "Indeed. This will be our first time camping out together."

Hearing his response surprised me as well as making me smile even more. I looked over at him and I noticed he too, was surprised by his own words. Was he blushing? Something in my gut was telling me that not everything appeared as it seems. Still, the whole truth was still unknown and I dared not to bring up our discussion from last night. Before awkward silence fell unto both of us again, I decided to bring up an old memory.

"The closest thing we got to camping out together was me running into you that one night...remember we took down that dragon that popped out of nowhere?" I recalled. "It was a pretty intense fight, but you had no problems facing that beast."

"Ahaha." Richter chuckled, appearing slightly relieved. "I do remember that night. I also remember you sticking up for that baby dragon. Considering the circumstances back then, that took courage."

He remembered that? His subtle compliment on my character made me swoon inside my heart. I was starting to blush, too. Little did he know that he was the one who gave me courage to stand up to anyone. Before I could speak again, Ratatosk's voice echoed inside my head once more.

" _ **C'mon now, Emil. Don't keep all your thoughts to yourself. Tell him.**_ "

Why the hell was he pushing me so hard to talk to him? Particularly, why did he want me to talk about my more personal thoughts? I decided to give it a stab while considering Richter's current feelings.

"Before you and I met, I was so meek and unsure of myself. I had no courage, until you showed up Luin looking for Marta." I said faintly, still slightly blushing. "Without the whole experience I went through, with and without you, Richter, I would not be who I am today."

My lips pursed before I could say anything else that would be embarrassing. I was trying to be as vague as I could, afraid that I was gonna cross a boundary with him. My love for him is deep, but so is my respect. The red-head was quiet for a moment whilst taking in a deep breath.

"Despite my cruelty towards you...you still thought of me highly. That will be something I never understand." He murmured.

Richter then started to slow down to a halt and I, too, stopped walking. We were at the base of the peak now. He turned towards me and placed both his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes intently. I should be freaking out right now with the sudden closeness, but I felt calm instead. Comforted..

"...I appreciate you being here now, Emil. Here with me." He said softly.

I smiled at him and nodded in reassurance, "You were always my friend then and that won't change now."

We both broke away from each other, smiling in relief. I was glad he was able to get a little bit of closure from the past and I was able to tell him a bit of my feelings. There will be a day that I can tell him more, but until then I have to be patient with him as well as myself. As I was once again in deep thought, both of us started setting up camp for the night. We made dinner, made small talk as we ate; the sky now had our full attention. As we were laying under the starry skies, bellies full and content, I heard Richter whisper before sleep lulled me in.

"I have missed these stars..."


	6. Off My List

_Sleepy head...wake up...Emil…_

"Ugh...no.." I sighed, still half asleep. I did not want to leave this dream.

"I said GET UP!" Richter roared out of annoyance.

The sudden change of tone shook me awake and I jumped to my feet immediately, "S-sorry...not a morning person."

"Hm. Drink this then. I have no sugar or creamer so you'll have to drink it black." The half-elf stated.

I happily took the mug of coffee from him, little did he know that was exactly how I enjoyed it. I took a sip of the brew and it brought me into a purr. The bitterness and the strong aroma was coaxing me out of my sleepy state; it tasted so good. My eyes shifted towards Richter and I could see a mixed look of surprise and approval on his face. Our eyes met and I did not break our gaze, but instead I smiled warmly to him. It was only when I started to get caught up into his mesmerizing emerald eyes I looked away and continued to enjoy my coffee. The half-elf scoffed at this and pushed up his glasses closer to his eyes, pretending he didn't notice the interaction.

"Hurry up and let's get moving. We're already running late." He said, slightly irritated.

I nodded hastily and quickly gathered what I could while still holding my coffee. I'm sure I looked silly, but I didn't care. After I drank what was left I got dressed in my day clothes. Asgard wasn't too far off from where we were and it was our goal to be there by mid-day. The skies were almost clear of clouds and it seemed that it was going to be another beautiful day. I'm not the type to complain, but maybe a little rain wouldn't hurt. I craved the wilderness in all its forms.

Once Richter and I had our camping gear packed up, we continued forward to the City of Ruins. I, personally, didn't have a huge interest in the ancient lore back then, but it would be nice to actually have time dedicated to look around. The night that he and I talked about the places we wanted to visit and Asgard was one of them. Richter tried hiding his excitement from me when it was agreed upon, but I could see his eyes sparkling with happiness. He wasn't "ruin crazy" like Genis's older sister, Raine, but he still had an appreciation for them nonetheless. Remembering that discussion caused my cheeks to blush. Seeing him happy makes me happy…

_*thump-thump. thump-thump*_

My heart was beginning to race as I replayed that moment in my head over and over. Then without warning, my mind wandered into the last "dream" I had and I almost tripped over my own feet. I wanted to see more of him than what he'd be willing to show me. A man can dream, right? I quickly snapped myself out of the daydream as quick as I had fallen into it. The last thing I needed was for Ratatosk to give me  _his_  input on the matter or to sink so deep into myself that I don't engage with my friend. I focused on the mountains that the City was nestled in and realized we were almost there already.

"Hey Richter!" I exclaimed, "I think I see the entrance for Asgard!"

He turned his head towards with a smile, "I think you're right, let's hurry."

His strides became much more aggressive and I had a hard time keeping up. I guess he was getting excited! I started walking at a much faster pace just so I could keep up.

As we approached the edge mountain, we could see the endless crevice that cut through the city. The sight was almost breaktaking like the first time. It made you wonder how long it had been there and what exactly created it. I remembered some of the stories that Lloyd told me during our brief travels together and it was true that our worlds were split into two. That itself wasn't the cause for the fissure in the earth, but it gave me a lot to think about. This world was filled with mysteries and long lost myths, and I hoped I could continue to contribute to this new world. When we approached the path that lead us to Asgard, we could hear the faint howls of the wind flying past us. Luckily, the winds were not violent and unpredictable like my last visit here. Strangely, the closer we got to town the more my stomach began to grumble. Hunger was setting in and I was hoping it was for Richter too, before he got carried away with his ruin studies. When we approached the entry, I felt him nudge me lightly on my arm.

"Let's go eat at the inn, I'm starved!" the red-head exclaimed while patting his belly.

I almost let out a sigh in relief, "Sounds good to me! I'm hungry too."

We made our way towards the inn, eager for a good meal. Luckily I had my own stash of gald on me so I could order my favorite food, pork cutlet bowl. Just the mere thought of it made me salivate. The buildings surrounding us were familiar and I got a rush of excitement. I wondered if he was enjoying himself, too. Traveling alongside Richter was much fulfilling than it would have been with Marta. The feelings of guilt creeped up onto me...I hope by the end of this journey I had the courage to make my dreams a reality. Even if it was partial of my dreams.

The inn was much more lively now since peace had been established five years ago. Both of us ran into a group of people exiting the building while we wriggled our way past the crowd and into the inn. He turned his head towards me as we made our way to the counter and gave me a look that screamed, " _Did that just really happen?_ ". I couldn't help but laugh at his expression and he started to laugh too. I loved it when he laughed, I could always tell by his eyes that his laughs were genuine.

"Welcome to Asgard Inn!" the receptionist chimed. "What can I do for you?"

"Ah...yes." Richter cleared his throat. "Could we order some food? Mabo curry for me and…"

"Pork cutlet bowl, please." I interjected.

"Absolutely. Please take a seat and we'll have your food out shortly." the receptionist replied while motioning us to sit down at table in the lobby.

We both nodded in gratitude and made our way towards an empty table. Before grabbed our seats, my eyes noticed a familiar face in the corner of the eating area. Silver hair and blue clothes, it was none other than Genis and what appeared to be his sister, Raine, sitting there enjoying a meal of their own. What a small world!

"Genis, buddy! And is that you Raine?!" I cheered, "It's me, Emil!"

Both the half-elves turned their heads towards me with the look of astonishment on their faces.

"Yo, Emil is that you?! Fancy seeing you here with…" Genis's voice trailed off, "...Richter?"

"Why exactly are you here with  _ **him**_? Please, come sit and start explaining." Raine followed.

Wholeheartedly, I had forgotten that the last time we saw each other was right after our battle with Richter within the Ginnungagap. Their impression of him was not a good one and it was valid for them to feel that way. I just hope I could explain things to them without much trouble. He reluctantly followed me to a table next to there's and proceeded to sit quietly while I began to answer their questions.

"Ratatosk let him go early. I'm not sure how he's holding the door sealed on his own.." I began while being careful not to out the more intimate details. "..but he sensed that I missed him and knew I wasn't happy with my current life. Richter has always been my best friend despite everything he's done. Ratatosk, er, the other half of me wasn't innocent either. The whole thing was a mess and I hope you both can give my friend another chance."

Both the half-elf siblings were flabbergasted, their eyes met each other for a moment and then Raine turned back towards me. Genis awkwardly cleared his throat, as if he knew what his sister was about to say.

"O-okay, that was quite the explanation, Emil. Of course Genis and I both understood what happened then and we aren't the kind to hold grudges." She calmly stated.

The younger brother chimed in, "Yeah, the world isn't exactly black and white. There's a lot of grey in it. I'm glad you came around, Richter."

Richter graciously bowed his head towards them, seeing him gesture in gratitude like that caught me off guard.

"I cannot repent all the damage I have done, but I sincerely appreciate you both for accepting me to be here and welcome me as Emil's friend." he spoke softly.

"Any friend of Emil's is a friend of mine!" Genis replied with a smile. "All I ask is to treat him right this time around."

"Y-yes, of course." the red-head responded, nearly choking on his reply.

Raine then tilted her head in confusion, "Where's Marta? I think this is the first time I haven't seen her by your side, Emil."

"Oh, yeah...she's back in Palmacosta." I replied nervously. "She knows I'm traveling around the world with Richter."

They both gasped in surprise at this, which was expected. Everyone knew that Marta followed me around like a puppy.

"Now THAT'S a surprise, dude." Genis quipped. "She was ALWAYS all over-"

"GENIS!" Raine spat while bopping him on his head in disapproval.

I looked over at Richter and he was stifling laughter. I playfully bumped my shoulder into him, now holding back laughter of my own. Even I couldn't deny how she was back then. She's still like that on occasion.

"Heh, yeah that's true. She wasn't happy at first at the idea of Richter and I traveling the world together, but she came around." I responded.

Before any of us could continue our conversation, the food that we ordered earlier was brought to our table.

"Please, enjoy!" The inn staff said while bowing and taking there leave.

Immediately Richter and I started to dig in to our food. Oh my Goddess, this pork cutlet was amazing. I noticed that he, too, was digging in as well. He was practically in a whole other world as he ate his curry, it did look pretty good. Lowkey, I was relieved that the conversation about Marta was cut short. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about parts of this whole mess I've created in my current life.

"You two must be hungry. Don't let us keep you! I'll be heading to the stone dias here shortly and Genis will be doing his own thing." Raine spoke, adding a small wicked smile when she said 'stone dias'.

I was startled when I heard the red-headed half-elf slam his hands onto the table, his eyes widened with excitement. Richter almost choked on his food as he struggled to muffle out the words "I woughld licke to jooin *cough* you."

Raine was humbled by this, not realizing that she had another ruin maniac to craze with about her discoveries. Genis's facial expression had the biggest eye roll I'd seen yet.

"Y-yes, of course! You most certainly may join me. It's a real treat to analyze such a monument..-" she babbled on and on to Richter.

The younger half-elf sibling leaned in towards me and whispered, "We can go chill out somewhere while these two go crazy over some ruins."

I nodded in approval towards Genis's proposal. I knew that Richter would enjoy analyzing ancient monuments with someone else who was able to carry on a related conversation of his liking. Plus, catching up with another dear friend was a plus for me as well.

I felt his hand grip my forearm gently, causing me to turn towards him once more.

"Would you mind if I joined Raine for awhile? We could meet up back here, we are staying the night here after all."

I nodded in approval, "Not at all, go for it! I know you've been wanting to check out the ruins. Go enjoy yourself."

Whilst our interaction with each other, I hadn't noticed the elven siblings were watching us intently, eyebrows raised in curiosity. Before Richter made his leave with Raine, he placed the payment for not one, but two meals onto the table. It was a very nice gesture, but it still had me bothered.

"H-hey, I could have paid for my own you know.." I mumbled in irritation.

"I know. It's the least I can do." Richter replied with a smile, however his eyes had remorse in them.

Not wanting to cause a scene in front of our friends, I accepted the gesture and made a personal pact with myself that I was going to pay for our room tonight. I also was going to have a talk with him about holding onto his guilt again. I understood why he feels obligated to make things "better", but they already are. He's here, with me and that is enough.

\- - - - - 

"Man, I could take a nap right here and now." Genis sighed as he laid back with his arms cradling his head.

After we split up from the inn, Genis and I decided to laze around the town and found a perfect spot to lounge and look at the scenery of the canyon and the mountain surrounding us. After that delicious meal I just had, I could about fall asleep too.

"Oh yeah, same here." I replied while also laying back.

"What brought you and Raine here, anyways? I meant to ask back at the inn, but I got sidetracked." I asked while shifting my head towards the young half-elf.

He also turned his head towards me, "Nothing too fancy, honestly. Raine wanted to check up on the stone dias here and make sure things weren't going astray like what happened a couple of years ago. We've been cooped up in Iselia for awhile without traveling around, so we wanted to stretch out our legs anyways."

"Ah, that's neat." I responded lightheartedly, "Glad I wasn't the only one with travel fever. It was a nice surprise running into you both."

"Mmhm!" Genis hummed. "I won't lie, it was a surprise for us to see you with Richter...but then again, it's not."

I felt my face flush in slight embarrassment. Why would he say something like that?

" _ **Do you really think no one notices? You're naive, boy.**_ "

_What the hell, Ratatosk? You too?_ I must have been naive, because I had no idea what either one was meaning. I guess I better ask instead of remaining silent and guilty.

"U-uh, what makes you say that?" I asked hesitantly.

Genis flipped over on his side, his left arm propping up his head and had a huge grin on his face.

"Emil, my dude, anyone who actually paid attention to how you talked and looked at Richter could figure it out. It's okay though, I don't judge. Does Marta know?"

"N-no." I stammered. "I've tried really hard to be with her and forget him. It's complicated…"

"Oh snap…" the half-elfs voice trailed off, "Are you ever going to confess your feelings? To Richter or Marta?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah, after the journey with Richter I plan on telling Marta. I don't know when I'm going to tell him though...I don't want to lose him again."

"Well, I think you deserve to be happy. And Richter seems to make you happy, so don't lose hope just yet. You said that he came to you right? That must mean something." Genis contemplated.

"Yeah, that's true...he came during a time that I needed him the most." I spoke softly. "Ratatosk and I still have a mental link somehow. I have a hunch that he's already told Richter how I feel."

"No fricken' way!" Genis exclaimed, his eyes wide open, "You think he would actually do something like that?"

"Yes, I do. It's Ratatosk we're talking about."

The young half-elf turned back onto his back, looking as if he was deep in thought.

"Hmm, I wonder if Richter said anything to him first. This is all just speculation though, your best bet is to talk to him yourself." he said with his eyes closed.

The thought of trying to talk to Richter again about  _that_  made my belly do flops and sweat bead in my palms. The last time we talked it didn't go well, but I do remember the look in his eyes when he told me we can't talk about it. There was pain and perhaps...longing? I may never know the truth if I don't dig for it. I may never know the truth if I push him away, either.


End file.
